I Don't Do Baby Showers

   WARNING: This is me giving ME, not me being negative. 

   
     I don't do baby showers. For 10 years I have said this and kindly declined invites to baby showers. I guess that it is something that I cannot always put into words. My path to motherhood is not typical. 3 losses (twins and a miscarriage) and a near miss (my now 9 year old son who was born prematurely, and is still here due to God's grace). It's not that I don't want to celebrate a new life born to my co-workers, family, or friends but there are times when I feel that I can't contribute to their path to motherhood. I don't know what it feels like to give birth to a child full-term or even remember how to embrace the blessings of a baby shower. Given my past pregnancy difficulties, I was not really afforded the space to even consider or experience a baby shower. If I attended one, what would I talk about? What would I say? How can I exchange stories with someone who has not had to grieve over the loss of a baby, pray every day and night for the strength of their living child or who made the NICU their home for 5 months? And to be honest, I am not sure if I have gained complete closure from losing Ben, Ali, and my Angel Baby. I am not sure how I would react if I did attend a baby shower. I recognize baby showers as my threshold of pain, but at the same time as a blessing for a new life in the eyes of others. Yes, I share my pregnancy stories and experience from the only point of view that I know how, which is why I started this blog.

     There is a time and place for everything. My pregnancy experiences are part of my testimony, but my testimony in regards to "my" pregnancy and child loss may not for everyone, especially at a baby shower.